Fight, Flight (Home) or Assertiveness?

Sometimes I think, “why is this happening to me”? But living through some excruciatingly uncomfortable experiences not only makes for an interesting story, but it helps one grow.

 This example was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve faced.

 I was about to do my first overseas face-to-face training session, to a large group with a new international customer whom I’d never met before. Me? Nervous? Absolutely!

 Arriving the night before a 2-day training session (and 2 days is rather “full-on” for the trainer and delegates alike) I sat having dinner alone in the hotel where the training would be taking place, taking the opportunity to catch up on some reading.

 At the table opposite was a man quietly drinking a beer. He was soon joined by others who were made up of a variety of nationalities.

 They seemed to be a lively bunch. I thought nothing of it, until I heard the word “procurement” mentioned. I then listened more closely….

 “What the *!%&* are we doing here for TWO DAYS of procurement training?”, “what can they possibly teach me about procurement?”, “all I need to know is that if I have a problem with a supplier, I’ll just kick them out”.

 These were some of the more polite snippets that I heard.

 The one that almost got me reaching for my passport to scarper back home was this “And if they show any spreadsheets during the training, I’m just gonna get up and leave”, followed by the others expressing the exact same sentiments. Gulp.

 These people were, in all likelihood going to be my delegates for the next 2 days!

My heart started pounding. All the self-doubt that I had going into this event was now being compounded by one million percent.

 What should I do? Should I just check out of the hotel, feigning illness, giving a profuse apology to my new customer? Should I confect some kind of “family emergency” to justify my departure?

 What were the other options? Pretending that it never happened seemed to be the best route.

 But wait. What about an assertive response? Would I have the courage to address this “elephant” head-on?

 It would be a good opportunity to practice what I preach wouldn’t it?

 Oh my word, I’m actually going to do it.

 At the end of my meal, I approached the table of what was now 8 people. I greeted them jovially and asked if they were here to attend the 2-day procurement training.

 They sheepishly answered, “yes”.

I then informed them “I have it on good authority that there will be no spreadsheets presented over the next two days”. I wished them a good night, then calmly walked to the lift (heart racing quicker than before).

 It took some courage alright, but it was absolutely the right thing to do, and here’s why.

 Two of the main protagonists from the group came up to me before the start of the first training session to apologise for what they’d said. I thought that was a classy touch and defused my anxiety a little.

 But not only that, those same two men were the most positive and vocal contributors over the entire 2-day course. Phew.

 How did the course go? Oh, thanks for asking.

 It went incredibly well. Lots of active learning, great engagement from the delegates and a really fun couple of days.

 The learning wasn’t just confined to the delegates, either.

 I learnt that even though you may feel a sense of overwhelming fear in the anticipation of dealing with a difficult situation, expressing your views calmly and standing-up for yourself in an assertive way, not only makes you feel better, but can also lead to improved relationships with others as well.

 This concurs with the conclusion of the research I’ve done on this topic, too!