Assertiveness - Make Your Boundaries Clear

Here’s a salutary and true story of why it pays to be assertive outside of work as well as in the workplace.

Some of the key benefits of being assertive are; more honest communication, better relationships and having your needs met, to name a few. It’s a vital skill for work and life.

Add to that list “avoidance of bodily harm”.

It’s important (and painfully relevant) to note that practising assertiveness doesn’t begin and end in the workplace. Oh no, this life skill should be practised wherever you need to assert your needs and boundaries.

I’ve always been somewhat of an enthusiastic runner. I really love getting outdoors, putting my body through its paces (albeit more slowly these days than I once remember) and feeling the benefits of a great cardiovascular workout.

I especially enjoy the “free pass” that running provides so that I can indulge in a post-run few sweet treats. Ok, if the truth be told, I often over-estimate the calorie burn of a run and hence why a growing proportion of my clothing can now be described as “aspirational”, but that’s a separate topic.

Picture this if you will. I joined a local running group of like-minded (but mixed-bodied) souls for an evening run. They’re a lovely bunch and I’d run with them previously, but it was a while ago. Now, here’s where assertiveness becomes relevant.

The running group was organised into smaller groups of various abilities, from total beginners, then determined plodders through to racing machines.

I was given a choice – which group would I like to join?

And here’s where my ego (which honestly dear reader, I usually keep in very close check) jumped the queue, short-circuiting my ability to think clearly and make an assertive decision.

The group leader suggested that I should join the “racing machine” group. This was a group of lean and wiry athletes with calves hewn from granite. He said not to worry if I couldn’t keep up with the faster members as “you should be fine and you can pace yourself”.

Anyone who knows me will also know that I do not fulfil the description of a “lean and wiry athlete” no matter which kind of Instagram filter you employ. I really had no place to be in this group.

I’m also acutely aware of this fact, and so this was a golden opportunity for me to make an assertive decision, politely but firmly declining the opportunity to run with the “elites” and joining my true kin, the “determined plodders”.

But no. I was flattered that I was considered one of the elites, thinking “yeah, I’ve still got it” (hilarious machismo) and proceeded to complete some extreme stretching before heading off on the run at what can only be described as breakneck speed.

Photo - Pexels Run FFWPU

It didn’t take me long to realise that my lack of an assertive decision was a) going to make me look stupid and b) was probably going to hurt.

And so it came to pass.

Despite the run-leader’s kind support (read: trundling along at the tail of the group with me) I sustained an injury. Neither party was happy.

Here I am, a few months later still suffering from the injury I picked-up on that fateful evening. An injury created solely (no pun intended) of my making and just because I didn’t articulate my boundaries clearly in an assertive way.

What are the assertiveness lessons one can learn from this?

1.       Assertively stating your boundaries is healthy and ensures that expectations are managed on both sides.

2.       People will respect you for being honest, even if your honest answer is not the answer they were expecting.

3.       Being assertive should be a skill that you practise outside of work as well as in work. This applies to your leisure pastimes too. It can prevent you from physical harm!

4.       Flattery (even if it is entirely sincere, as in this case) can persuade you to lower your guard and perhaps be less inclined to outline your boundaries. That’s why it’s such a powerful influencing technique. Be aware of when this is being “used” on you and the decisions you might take as a result.

 So there it is. Real life lessons in assertiveness, learnt the hard way.

Set your boundaries and stay safe in 2023!